Teenager got a new phone and immediately locked everything down

The day my son got his new phone for his birthday he made everything private within about an hour. He's 14. A friend of mine said her kid did the exact same thing and it turned out he was involved in some really toxic group chats. Not assuming the worst but I'd like some way to monitor his Instagram without it turning into a daily argument. What are other parents doing?

I ran into almost the same thing when my daughter got her first phone at 13 - profiles locked down in minutes, and suddenly everything felt off-limits. I didn’t want to go full “phone police,” so I tried observing quietly first. I used private insta story viewer just to see public-facing bits without making it obvious, and it gave me some peace of mind. Later, I brought things up casually instead of accusing her, and that actually opened the door to a real conversation instead of a fight.

Had a very similar moment when my kid got their first phone at 13. I also felt that sudden shift where everything turns into rules vs trust. Instead of jumping into strict control, I stepped back and just watched how things played out for a while and kept things low-pressure. What helped most was bringing it up casually later, without accusations. That alone changed the tone completely and we actually ended up talking openly instead of clashing which I really appreciated